Fat Camp
by Stiterra
Summary: Well, someone In the FF gang needs to go to fat camp. Guess which one.


Fat Camp  
Narrator: Hi FF Fans! I guess you got a hint for what the story will be  
today by the title.  
Neighborhood Retard: DOING DOING!  
Narrator: Um. Yeah, anyway, today one of the cast members will be sent  
to...  
Neighborhood Retard: DOING?  
Narrator: NO! Fat Camp!  
Neighborhood Retard: DOING...  
Narrator: Well, moving on, let's see who it will be...  
(At Tifa's Bar)  
Barret: Pass me another brewski Tifa...  
Tifa: ;)  
Barret: No, not your boob, a brewski, beer, not boob...  
Tifa: ?  
Cloud: Hey guys!  
Cid: Great, the *)%*$ leader is here!  
Cloud: And guess what I brought?  
Tifa: Condoms?  
Everyone: ?????  
RedXIII: Hey, I thought we got her spayed...  
Cloud: um. anyway, I got some brochures.  
Barret: Does it involve.  
Cloud: NO!  
Barret: ?  
(to not give away the persons name [-----------------])  
Tifa: Is it for the Fat camp ---------- was supposed to go to?  
Barret: Yeah, ------------ was complaining that stupid, uh...  
(DON'T GIVE IT AWAY)  
Barret: Stupid.. Thing?  
(there you go.)  
Cloud: Well ---------- should settle up about it, he HAS to go!  
Cait Sith: Hey everyone, what you all talkin' bout?  
(By now you should figure out who it is, if not, you must be slapped with a  
trout!)  
Cloud: CAIT, TIME TO GO TO FAT CAMP!!!!  
Cait Sith: Are you (*_%(%( kidding me?  
Cloud: Nope..  
Tifa: I swear on my truck-sized boobs!  
Barret: *thoughts* ( . ) ( . ) *thoughts*  
Tifa: Just stop staring and screw me upstairs..  
Barret: OH YEAH!  
Cloud: Ok, besides that very odd and confusing event, Cait, you are a fat  
ass.  
Cait Sith: It's the bottom half retard.  
Cloud: That's beside the point, you have to go to camp to work on your  
weight.  
Cait Sith: It's a friggin doll genius!  
Cloud: I know your in denial, but we are here to save you.  
Cait Sith: That's it, im out of here.  
Cloud: HOLD HIM DOWN!  
Cid: I got his (*&%$ tows.   
Yuffie: WTF are you guys doing?  
Cait Sith: HELP ME, THOSE MOTHER @#)#)# ARE CRAZY!  
Cloud: We are driving him to fat camp.  
Yuffie: Count me in.  
Cloud: Just call Aeris and Vincent.  
Yuffie: Sure..  
(Swipe!)  
Cloud: HEY! I SAY THAT! GIVE ME THE ^*(^(_&% MATERIA BACK!  
Yuffie: ok, ok, Mr. Grumpy.  
Cait Sith: You will never get away with this; I'm calling my lawyer,  
A RESTRAINING ORDER IS IN THE ESSENCE!  
Cloud: Yeah yeah, that's what they all say!  
Cid: They (%(( do?  
Cloud: DUH!  
Yuffie: Here they are!  
Aeris: Ready, packed the healthy nutrition bars and the tar.  
Cait Sith: NOT THE TAR!!!!  
Vincent: .........  
Cait Sith: NOT THE .......!  
Cloud: OH YES!  
(Approaching the Gate for the fat camp)  
Gate Keeper: To get through you must find my 6 mysterial stone from  
the volcano of .  
Cloud: Yeah, Yeah, skip to the point. 50 gil?  
Gate Keeper: DONE!  
Narrator: Traveling through the campus, they see the horrible  
torture.  
Cait Sith: TAR!!!!  
Cloud: Only alittle.  
Cait Sith: WORK!!!!  
Cloud: Just alittle picking with the pick ax.  
Cait Sith: RICHARD SIMMONS!!!  
Cloud: AHHH!  
(Swerve Swerve)  
Cloud: NO SCARY THINGS WHILE IM DRIVING!  
Cait Sith: .... Arg .....  
Aeris: Ok, we are here!  
Councilor: OK TEAM, out of the car and give me 2394!  
Yuffie: Talk about a random number!  
Councilor: That's 2578 for you young lady!  
Yuffie: -=mumble mutter=-  
Cid: WAIT A *&&*%^* SECOND! I'M NOT DOING A SINGLE...  
Counceler: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cid: .....................  
Vincent: ......?  
Cid: ?  
Cloud: That's unfair, we only came to bring this guy..  
Councilor: -=look look=- looks pretty skinny to me  
Cloud: WHA?  
Cait Sith: Ha ha! Suckers!  
Councilor: ON THE DOUBLE FATTY'S, ON THE DOUBLE!  
(After 48 hours of camp)  
Cloud: Yuffie, stop trying to commit suicide with the hanger, it  
won't work..  
Yuffie: MUST. PENETRATE.. HEART..  
Aeris: This is horrible.. I feel so frail...  
Cloud: ?  
Aeris: I can't even do that. too.. Tired..  
Cloud: NO! we will die here, we must come up with a plan..  
Yuffie: Cid?  
Cid: I don't *&)*^$ know, they took away my ((&%&% cigarettes..  
Cloud: Is that a tear.  
Cid: NO! I'M (*^*(^&^ CHOCKIN BECAUSE OF ALL THIS CLEAN AIR!  
Cloud: oh.  
Yuffie: Where did they put Cait?  
Cloud: He is in the councilor's office sucking up to her and getting  
more food..  
Aeris: I GOT AN IDEA!  
Cloud: WHAT!  
Aeris: wait, oh darn, forgot.  
Cloud: .....  
Aeris: OH, WAIT, It's back!  
Vincent: ........?  
Aeris: See Vincent, the only way to get out of here Is to seduce the  
councilor..  
Vincent: ..........!  
Aeris: RIGHT! We put a little Gin in her coke and play along until  
she gets wasted, then we leave.  
Cloud: But what about the guard towers and the machine guns..  
Aeris: True.  
Cloud: And the gates..  
Aeris: Right.  
Cloud: And all the fat annoying kids who trail behind us and are too  
stupid to realize that they will get us caught!  
Aeris: ENOUGH!  
Vincent: ...........  
Aeris: SHEOT VINCENT! YOUR RIGHT!  
Cid: So all we have to do is steal the (&^&(%)& uniforms from the  
mother *&^*() and sneak through the front gate.  
Yuffie: Sounds good to me!  
Cloud: We will do it at the stroke of midnight..  
(DING!)  
Cloud: MOVE OUT!  
Narrator: So they sneaked out of the bunkers creeping through the  
infrared beams and mines.  
Cid: AHH ()()&)(&*, stepped in shit..  
Cloud: SHHHHH!  
Narrator: Then, they went to the Laundromats and stole some councilor  
outfits.  
Cid: This is a little tight around the ^(^(_(&*) crotch.  
Cloud: wonder why..  
Narrator: Lastly, the checked up on the Head councilor to find her  
sleeping while Cait Sith was watching tv...  
Cait Sith: Stupid Raiders -=munch munch=- lost to the Texans -=munch  
munch=- Ha!  
Cloud: Lets move out..  
Narrator: As they approached the gate, the gatekeeper halted them.  
Gate Keeper: Trade me 5 stones of tyrain..  
Cloud: 100 gil.  
Gate Keeper: SOLD!  
Aeris: I think Cait saw us.  
(Running to open the door)  
Cait Sith: GUARDS! SEIZE THEM!!!!!  
Cloud: RUN!!!  
Narrator: The ran, and they ran, and they ran some more, until they  
ran a full meter.   
Cid: TOO -=hack=- *(^*^* -=cough=- TIRED -=cough wheez=-  
Cloud: There is no hope..  
(VROOOOOM!)  
Cloud: My truck!  
Yuffie: While you retards where running into nowhere, I went to the  
parking lot and got the truck.  
Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG?  
Yuffie: I took the libery of warming it up..  
Cloud: Aye!  
Aeris: No time to talk, get in everyone!  
Vincent: ......!  
Aeris: You said it Vincent!  
Vincent: ........?  
Aeris: How am I suppose to know what you said?  
Narrator: So they blasted out of there, and just in the nick of  
time, RICHARD SIMMONS WOKE UP!  
Cait Sith: o no! The got away councilor dearest..  
Councilor: We lost another one..  
Cait Sith: Let's go get the..  
Councilor: Hey, wait a sec. Someone put on alittle bit..  
Cait Sith: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Narrator: I guess the moral for this story is, fat people should  
live in fat camps... Merry Christmas everyone and a happy new  
year!!!! 


End file.
